CHICAGO, IL — Mason Ashton, general manager at Tex’s Tapas: The Big Plate Place, spends his time serving portions that have been called ‘offensive’ by several food critics and the rest of his time dealing with customer complaints. The majority of the issues his patrons ask him to address are entirely out of his control. “Last week, I had a lady come up to me and ask if we had any cushions to sit on because her chair wasn’t comfortable enough,” Mason told Sauce OTS, “That’s the kind of bulllshit I deal with on a daily basis.”

“Recently, we’ve had some real fucking savants coming into the restaurant. They decide that they’d like to stuff their faces with meats and cheeses in our patio area. So we go ahead and open an entire section for them outside. Next thing you know, they are asking their server to speak with a manager. This is the part where I put my coat on and walk outside to ask them what their problem is. In order to display their incredible powers of observation, they inform me that it’s cold out here and that they would like me to do something about it. Well, it’s fucking Chicago and it’s fucking winter. It’s not like I have a thermostat for the goddamn world. So, everytime this happens I simply tell them that I’ll fix the situation as fast as humanly possible. This has been such a constant problem lately, that I’ve taken to parking my car right in front of the patio and every time someone complains, I get into my car and start revving the engine. Just really fucking giving it to the gas pedal, ya know. When the customers inevitably ask me what I’m doing, I just tell them that I heard and appreciate their complaint and I’m doing my best to fix the problem.”

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