LOS ANGELES, CA — Chef Dana Briggs has been in the service industry for well over a decade. Working in a kitchen has been etched deeply into her soul and her restaurant, Culo del Payaso, her baby. That was until around nine months ago when Miss Briggs found out that she was going to have an actual, human, child. Unable to imagine separating herself from the restaurant for any amount of time over twelve hours, Chef Dana has spent her entire term within the walls of Culo del Payaso. “If I’m having a kid, you better believe that it’s gonna be steeped in the ins and outs of the service industry,” Dana, fighting contractions in the middle of a dinner rush, said through gritted teeth. “I’m popping this little monster out in the dishpit. When my sister asked me if was going to do a tub birth like she did, I was like: ‘Fuck that, my kid’s going straight into a Cambro.” The fact that a dishpit might be one of the furthest things from a hospital room has been completely lost on Chef. She insists that her child be properly labeled and the resulting mess wiped down with sani rags by the disher so that she can jump back on the line. Nobody is entirely certain if she knows that raising a child in a restaurant is a terrible idea or how to approach her about the fact that having a kid inside one isn’t remotely close to acceptable, let alone ServSafe.

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