VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — Tyler Arson has been a prep cook at Fryer Sale for the past seven years. In that time, he has never missed a day of work and adamantly refuses to take a vacation, largely due to the fact that he wholeheartedly believes that his coworkers would be unable to keep the restaurant going in his absence. He has dealt with a number of problems over the course of his tenure, ranging from misplaced cambros, salt being combined with sugar, and a consistent lack of proper labeling and rotating. Currently, the greatest challenge to his ability to work effectively would be the fact that the restaurant itself is in flames.


Undaunted, Tyler has refused to evacuate and is still attempting to finish his prep for the day. “Fire department should be here any second,” Mr. Arson, staying under the smoke by cutting onions on the floor, said, “I’m gonna be here until five thirty if I take a break now, and that’s not gonna happen.” It would seem that Tyler isn’t fully appreciating the gravity of what’s going on around him. He insists that Fryer Sale will be open tomorrow, and that it would be a disaster if nothing were ready for the line cooks as they came in.


“Once I finish this, I’m gonna go ahead and reorganize the walk-in,” Tyler told Sauce On the Side, “I know those guys put a ton of things where they don’t belong.” Several firefighters have attempted to remove Mr. Arson from the prep kitchen, but he’s managed to fight them off with an emulsion blender. “I’ve never seen dedication like this,” Meyers Briggs, fire chief, said, “nobody can get him out of there. Every time we try he just starts throwing things at us shouting that there’s a truck coming tomorrow. We’re gonna be able to put this fire out before any structural damage takes hold,  but there’s no way in hell that this restaurant is opening tomorrow.” The local police department has dispatched a hostage negotiator in an attempt to coax Tyler from his prep kitchen.

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