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COLORADO SPRINGS, CO — Dave Grohl, prep cook for Steaks, We Serve Steaks; an area oyster bar, has finally had enough. The night staff and several dishwashers have been testing the limits of his sanity over the past few months, by making objectively stupid decisions. “If I could, I would murder them,” Dave told Sauce OTS, “but that’s too good for them. If I walk in today and I see one Cambro with half an inch of sauce in it; I’m going to drown myself in it.” Mr. Grohl has been experiencing suicidal ideation for the past week and a half.

It all started when one of the dishers asked him if he was throwing the cutting boards away in the correct dumpster every night. Later that same day, his sous chef wanted to know what rotating was, and if he should be doing that. Dave was missing for two hours after that. They found him in the walk-in, rubbing the house-made BBQ sauce over his naked body and saying; “I’m a good boy, why aren’t you,” he was given the rest of the day off. “Okay, I’m going to go clock in,” Dave said the next day, with apprehension in his eyes, “I swear to God, though, one stupid mistake and I’m done. I’ve already written ‘86 Life’ on the stock list, and I am not afraid to cross that one off.”

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