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JACKSON, MI — Carson Bravewell is currently serving 25 years with the possibility of parole for a series of armed robberies. In addition to being excellent at creating improvised stabbing utensils, Carson also possesses a refined palate. He spent the first five years on the inside getting hard and sampling wine from a vast array of toilets across the penitentiary. “A good wine is art,” Mr. Bravewell, an excessively scary man, told Sauce OTS, “vintners from blocks A to F live and die by my reviews, sometimes literally. If you try to cut it with Listerine, I’m going to make sure that everyone knows that you’re no artist.”

Inmate #456279, also known as Gary, is D Block’s most lauded winemaker. Gary has decided to call his latest concoction “If I Did It.” It is currently retailing for two and a half packs of cigarettes, or twenty five minutes of hand stuff. “I’ve been pleasantly surprised by what D Block has been producing over the past few months. Last year, their wine was garbage. There was that subtle note of feces from a dirty toilet. Usually it’s endearing, but they went way too far with it. I think they’ve grown as artists over the past year. Every time I take a sip of If I Did It, it’s magical. The flavor is so profound and complex. The joy I experience drinking it can only be compared to the first time I shanked someone. Pure happiness.”

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