Failing Restaurant Gets Golden Tee Machine, Still Failing
Mar 27, 2019
STOCKTON, CA -- A banner reading “Now Kind Of Like Dave & Busters” boldly hangs at the entrance to Aglio Shack. In his office, through the empty dining area and past the unused kitchen, Bruce Banner is currently weighing his options, trying to decide how to recoup the losses from his desperate gambit to attract customers by purchasing a desperately boring, golf-based arcade machine. As his employees stand idle, scrolling through their phones and waiting to clock off, the giant, incredibly expensive paperweight that their owner bought fills the silence of uninhabited sections with trills and cheeps.
“I just don’t know why they’re not coming,” Mr. Banner wondered aloud as he stared at an ominous spreadsheet. “Ladies drink free on Tuesdays, everything’s half off on Fridays, and we offer karaoke every other night. Still, we haven’t had a single customer in two months. My daughter’s a Junior in high school. She already believes I suck enough as it is. What will she think of me when this restaurant goes under?”
If Bruce could be bothered to step out of his office and inspect the restaurant that he owns, he would have noticed that the only customer entrance, the front door, has been locked for some time now.
When asked why the staff of Aglio Shack has allowed this to go on for so long; Kendra Bailey, the morning bartender, said: “Oh, you wanna know why we’re tanking this place? It’s cause the owner’s a total fucking dick. Last time we were busy on a weekend, Bruce spent the whole time getting drunk at the bar and then started hitting on the sixteen-year-old hostess while she was trying to do her job.
“I wish I could say that was an isolated incident, but it’s not. He also refers to the Back of House as ‘them.’ People like that shouldn’t be in charge of anything. So we’re making sure he isn’t anymore. Everyone’s already got their next jobs lined up. We just want to watch this place burn first.”
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