NASHVILLE, TN — Every single member of the opening crew at QuinWahhhh? has been doing everything they can to avoid working today. Yesterday was their weekly game night/turn up time festival, and things went a little farther than any of them meant to. As a result, everyone on the clock right now is so hungover that they are seriously contemplating self-harm in order to avoid doing anything remotely resembling work. “I would happily go to the hospital right now,” Don Kliesull, nearly deceased server, told Sauce OTS, “I have no idea why we do game nights when we have to work the next morning. Sandra makes the schedule does game night with us, it doesn’t make any sense.”


Rather than actually doing their jobs, the morning crew opted to do the absolute bare minimum so that they can collectively experience the hangover. Several customers have wandered into the restaurant. Every time someone ask if they’re open, someone points to the chairs still being on the tables and saying: “Does it look like we’re open.” This was the brilliant way that the QuinWahhhh? staffers work around not lying to their customers. After a few tense seconds, the intruding party usually walks right out of the building.


“I know we’ve got a mountain of shit to swallow from our GM when he gets here at four,” Brad Laredo, praying for death, said, “but as of now I don’t care. We just need to sit here and think about all of the reasons we can’t remember that led us to this very moment.”

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