PHEONIX, AZ — A local diner received a unique application this week consisting entirely of pasted together clippings from magazines. The ingenuity of the potential hire was most highlighted by the fact that he knew where every manager lived and included photos of them eating dinner and playing with their children. “This guy strikes me as a real go-getter,” Manager Kyle Schofield said warmly, “the grammar may be a little off, but no one is perfect. I really enjoyed the filter he used on the photos of my girlfriend and I watching Netflix on my couch.”


It would appear that the anonymous applicant is ready and eager to start as soon as possible claiming, “U GIVE ME THIS JOB OR IT WIL BE THA LAST THING U DUE” and “I AM FOOD SAFE CERTIFIED.” Any attempts to contact him have been unsuccessful. The phone number included on the resume is being picked up by a man who will only breath heavily on the other side of the line. It was disconnected the following day. “I’m certain we’ll have him on payroll by the end of the month,” Kyle claimed, “I’ve been searching my bushes every night for the past couple days. I almost caught him once, but man is he fast. I just love the idea of how much energy the guy could bring to the table.”

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