DOVER, DE — Stacy Smith, a waitress at The Dirty Dish, has been furiously googling the standard rate for a couple’s therapist on her phone. As it stands now, Stacy is in the midst of a messy divorce unfolding on table 32. The couple has taken it upon themselves to involve Ms. Smith in their domestic dispute in a litany of ways, including determining who is the most apt parent to receive weekend privileges, who gets the dog neither of them likes, and if this entire plan should wait until after the kids get out of college.
“This is so bizarre, I mean, people have told me too much information before, but I’ve never experienced anything like this before,” Stacy said exasperatedly, “They don’t even seem like they want to go through with the divorce when they start hammering out all the details, and they keep asking me for my input as if I’ve got something to give them outside of exceptional service. Do you know how to write an invoice, by the way?” After approaching the table, the couple themselves had this to say “Oh, Stacy, she’s great! Could you have her come back over here, please? I’d like to see a dessert menu and pick her brain I think we can fake it for another ten years, but I’m curious if she knows how we can make eye contact with each other until then.”