DENVER, CO — Bobby Fister, 8-year-old boy and avid fan of the Lego Ninjago movies, wanted to go to Mafia Dave’s Fugetabouit Hot Dog Palace for his birthday. He loved their General Tso’s Chicken and the way they sang happy birthday for him every year. What young Bobby didn’t know was that around twenty minutes before he and his family were seated, all three servers on staff had just finished smoking around 12 grams of hash oil. Needless to say, the entire front of house staff, except for the Mormon hostess, was monstrously high.


When the time came for Bobby to hear the one song he had been looking forward to all year, he was absolutely devestated by the scene that unfolded before him. Below is a description of the front of house staff at Mafia Dave’s Fugetaboutit Hot Palace’s performance.


Casey, the sober hostess, sang the correct song, titled “Happy Birthday.”


Tim, also known as server number one, sang something like the Happy Birthday song, but to the tune of Yankee Doodle for around ten seconds before just switching to singing the refrain of Kiss From A Rose by Seal.


Server number two, who occasionally goes by Sandra, just started twerking and singing Birthday Sex by Jeremih. She completed the entire song without realizing that her coworkers had abandoned her a fourth of the way through the song.


Server Number Three, who likes to be called server A, was just eating carrots that they had brought from the expo station. When Casey finished the appropriate song, Server Number Three dabbed, threw the carrots up into the air, and then left.

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