ARLINGTON, VA — Page Harper has been celebrating her twenty-second birthday with her friends for about six hours now. Their current “Wooooo!” count hovers around one every 93 seconds. Needless to say, things are getting a little rowdy. All of this despite the fact that Page is totally pissed at her friend Courtney for not telling the super cute bartender that it’s her friend’s birthday. “Courtney is, like, totally cock-blocking me,” Page, gesturing wildly with a drink in the bathroom, slurred, “she totally hasn’t told anyone at this bar that it’s my birthday. And I’m like, ‘how am I supposed to get free stuff?’ She’s such a bitch. I love her.”


It would seem that around 11:30 at night, these young women have reached the point of inebriation where they have completely separated from reality. A phenomenon often referred to as: ‘White Girl Wasted.’ This separation often results in the illusion that anyone and everyone around gives a shit about what you are doing on your way to blacking out for the evening.


When confronted with the current situation unraveling in a booth across from his bar, Sam Drake had this to say: “Why are you asking me about this bullshit? I’m working. I don’t care if it’s her birthday. I’m not giving her anything for free. Nobody who walks into this bar is special or gets preferential treatment. Unless they’re a regular who tips really well obviously. But besides that I could care less who you are or what’s going on in your life. Also, If you could tell them to stop touching the customers sitting around them that would be great.”

Leave a Reply