RIVERSIDE, CA — After several incidents being posted on Yelp, the entire crew at Lord of the Fries has been forced to undergo gluten-sensitivity training for the third time this year. The owners themselves insist that their staff’s conduct is in no way a reflection of how Lord of the Fries feels about their gluten-challenged customers. “Yeah, so we shut down for the day or whatever and then talk about how our customers are always right, or whatever,” Jafar Dahmer, a line cook at Lord of the Fries and subject of an inflammatory Yelp Review titled: “Eat here and they will make u cry,” told Sauce On the Side. “At least we’re all paid. I don’t know why the owners care so much about those gluten bitches, but whatever.” In order to educate their employees, management has hired Glutenous Figs, a local anti-wheat non-profit dedicated to raising awareness of food allergies. Their tagline and the title of the seminar today is: “Just because we’re intolerant doesn’t mean you have to be.” As Chad, the speaker for today, delivered his tyrade, the Lord of the Fries employees could be seen actively sleeping or drawing penises on the pamphlets he passed around. When the time came for Chad’s awareness exercises, things devolved rapidly. In one role playing situation, Chad played an average customer while Jafar pretended to work the register. The conversation went as follows:Jafar: What do you want?Chad: I would like a gluten-free burger, please.Jafar: No. At the end of the day, Chad left Lord of the Fries crestfallen and certain that he would be forced to come back for another seminar. “I just don’t know how to get through to these people,” he lamented. “They just don’t understand what a menace wheat can be. It really chaffs my hide that they’ve been bread this way.”
