LOS ANGELES, CA — Drive By Poutine, an area restaurant is in the midst of a crisis. Table 26 has been in a three and a half hour stand off with their server after insisting that they are alright with just water. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” Stacy, their server, said sporting a 1000-mile stare, the likes of which haven’t been seen since WW1,. “They didn’t even hesitate, they’re a united front on the water issue and they haven’t budged once. It’s like we’ve got another Israeli/Palestinian conflict on our hands.” The wine menu was simply glanced at in a display of near superhuman self control. Stacy nearly collapsed when the group deftly refused her offerings of soda or tea.

In order to break the stalemate and resolve the situation without violence, Stacy brought another, more experienced server, Amanda, into the situation. “I was glad that she called me in, things were clearly getting out of hand for her,” Amanda told Sauce OTS, “from what I’ve read on the situation I think the best course of action is to wait for one of them to go to the bathroom. When the group is separated and more vulnerable, we’ll swoop in and shove our cocktail menu right in their faces. If they refuse that, I don’t think Jesus could even help us then.”

After a tense fifteen minute wait, one of the customers headed to the restroom. The elite squad descended upon the table like falcons on an unexpecting field mouse. Unfortunately for Amanda and Stacy, their pincer maneuver was immediately realized by the brilliant tacticians of table 26 and expertly avoided through their Fabian strategy of hydration. Stacy and Amanda retreated to the server station, haggard and exasperated. Stacy refilled their water after calling the police. After arriving on the scene and being informed of the situation, LAPD escorted the members of the Table 26 Cartel off the property in handcuffs.

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