HOUSTON, TX — Stanwhiches, a local sandwich shop owned by a man named Tucker Holson, has been attempting to address the high level of turnover in their kitchen for months. The main complaint from employees as they leave is the incredibly high level of stress the job incurs. “It’s not the personalities in the kitchen. It’s how obnoxiously busy we always are,” Stanley Lee, line cook at Stanwhiches, told Sauce OTS, “there’s just some things alcohol, weed, and other chemicals just can’t fix. I’ve had three separate therapists ‘break up’ with me after our fourth session. I tried punching things after clocking out, but then my hand’s so messed up it makes my next shift ten times worse.”

In a last ditch effort to remedy the situation, Tucker, the owner, purchased a therapy dog named Billy for the kitchen. He had hoped that the dog would ease the inevitable tension and anguish that arises during any given shift. Billy was indeed an effective measure against the kitchen’s suffering. Unfortunately, Billy walked out of the kitchen on his fourth shift and now no one can find him. “This just sucks,” Alex Jones, prep cook, said, “Billy was the greatest thing that happened to the kitchen in months. I thought he was going to be with us for his whole life. I guess the job was just too much for him. None of us are mad at him for this. We get it. One time I watched a guy have a heart attack on the line in the middle of a rush. He powered through it, didn’t go the hospital, and even showed up for his next shift. Then he had a stroke. I just hope wherever Billy is, he’s happy.”

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