LINCOLN, NE — Carlos Meyers has been working at House of Grain for two weeks. He’s twenty years old, aspires to play Fortnite competitively, and enjoys making dubstep remixes of Joy Division songs. Also, the entire staff at House of Grain hate him with a passion. Multiple line cooks have marveled at the fact that they could grow to resent someone so completely in such a short period of time.


Yesterday, fifteen minutes after their dinner rush ended, everyone was cleaning surfaces and trying to finish the closing list. “We got hit pretty hard the whole night through,” Cliff Brookes, line cook, recalled, “all of us were ready to go home. So we get to cleaning and then fifteen minutes later I look up and Carlos is just gone. I guess he somehow deluded his tiny ant brain into thinking that we only need him to get through a rush and that cleaning up was beneath him.”


Rather than asking anyone if there was something he could do, Mr. Meyers -who refers to Alice In Chains as classical music, decided that closing the kitchen was everyone else’s problem. Rather than help his coworkers, Carlos headed straight to the bar and began trying to get them to serve him. Everyone at the restaurant knows he’s not twenty-one, but that hasn’t stopped him from trying to get a shift beer every single time he works. When it didn’t pan out, Carlos changed gears and started hitting on every server he could find. Another one of his post-shift rituals. The kitchen manager plans on firing him the moment that someone applies for a kitchen job. For the staff of House of Grain, that day cannot come soon enough.

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