HENDERSON, NV — Brent Miles has spent the past three hours confident that he is, in fact, a genius. After a night of debilitating debauchery, Brent woke up with a hangover so intense that he believes he hear his brain screaming in his ears. Unfortunately for Mr. Miles, he has to work today. “So, I am constantly praying for the sweet release of death right now,” Brent told Sauce OTS, “even with my diminished brain capacity, I’ve come up with an incredible strategy to get sent home: I’m pretending to have the flu. They’re going to have to cut me if I just continue to vomit.”

Brent’s boss, and the rest of his coworkers at True Waffle, aren’t buying his song and dance at all. “Oh, that guy is so hungover it’s disgusting,” Kelly Smith, front of house manager, said, “but the flu? Nice try. I can literally smell the whiskey oozing out of his pores.” The staff working with Brent have decided to employ their own form of punishment for his trying to pull one over on them. “We’ve been telling him that he’s got one more thing to do and then he can go home for the past two hours now. It’s hilarious. Right now he’s scrubbing the keg cooler. After he’s done with that, I think we’re going to make him e’s sort our sugar packets alphabetically and according to color,” Kelly told Sauce OTS.

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